I’ll never forget my first crush.  I had never experienced this type of feeling before and what made it weird was that I had no control over how I felt.  It was like being possessed causing me to do bizarre stuff like daydreaming about the boy endlessly and always wanting to be where he was so I could watch him talk, breathe, and whatever else the guy did.  Yes, I was obsessed with him.

At age fifteen it’s hard for a young girl to understand all these new emotions for a guy that I knew little about.  Even my friends didn’t know much about him.  What was I to do.

Then a wonderful opportunity presented itself when an announcement was made that there would be a snow day up in the mountain for the youth group.  I got my permission slip signed and handed in the money with hopes that the boy would also be going on this trip.  I scoured through my closet for the best clothing to wear for the occasion.  Everything was on the line.  I had to meet this guy.

Butterflies wreaked havoc in my stomach causing me to feel slightly ill as my mom drove me to the church to meet the others for the infamous bus ride to the mountain.  I was on high alert, that is, Dave alert!

Upon arriving I scanned the parking lot for the tall dark-haired guy that had control of my teenage emotions.  After gathering my stuff and assuring my mother that I would be fine I found a couple of girls to hang out with while trying to look non-interested in the boy I discovered standing across the way talking to his friends.

To be honest, I really don’t remember much about the bus ride except I spent most of the time watching the subject at interest that was causing all my chaotic hormonal mess.  Good grief, how does a person even deal with these emotions?

“First love is a little foolish and a lot of curiosity.”George Bernard Shaw

Well, the snow trip turned out to be disappointing because I discovered that he had a girlfriend.  The ride back I spent in a disheartening mood that no one could seem to pull me out of.   Heartbroken, I managed to get home without crying till I was in the privacy of my room and could let the tears flow.  It felt like my heart had been ripped apart.  The boy belonged to someone else, and he probably didn’t even know I existed.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for those out-of-control feelings to subside, and I was able to move on with very little damage to my heart.

But something interesting happened.  A few weeks later Dave, my first crush, called me up and asked me out on a date.  I was shocked and ecstatic.  After getting the okay from my parents, we planned to go out for lunch after church.  You can imagine the time I spent getting ready for the legendary date.  I was beyond excited.  I honestly didn’t know what to expect but all I knew was that I was going to be with Dave, the boy I had been fantasizing about.

The funny thing is, I really didn’t enjoy my first date with Dave.  At the end of the date, he gave me a somewhat sloppy wet kiss.  At age fifteen I was not impressed and totally lost my fascination for the first crush in my life.  Just like that it was over.  He wasn’t at all what I thought he would be.

Sometimes I look back as if looking at a polaroid picture remembering those moments of first love.  I laugh and shake my head wondering how I could be so silly.  Those feelings of excitement that consumed my energy and all my focus from sunup to sundown on a guy that I was infatuated with.

“I am glad it cannot happen twice, the fever of first love. For it is a fever, and a burden, too, whatever the poets may say.” —Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca

There is another first love that has endured throughout my life and has never wavered despite changes in the relationship that has caused me to grow and become better and stronger.  Yes, this is my relationship with Jesus.  My one and only rock in my life.  His love has never faltered, nor has He changed.  He is still the one who saves me, comforts me, disciplines me, and through thick and thin still loves me as he did from the first when He created me.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved. – Ephesians 2: 4-5

When a person receives Christ as their Savior, they experience the delight of “first love” for the Lord.  Becoming a child of God is special and with this newfound relationship brings great joy and freedom.

Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not. – C.S. Lewis

Maybe you have experienced this first love but now have fallen away and that love has grown cold.  Well, it’s time to pull out that polaroid picture and renew your first love with Jesus.  His love for you has never faded and He is still the same today as He was yesterday, and He will always be steadfast into the future.  Now this is the kind of love story I never get tired of hearing about.

Jesus, may my polaroid picture of the day I found your love be etched in my brain forever.  May I never forget what it cost you to be my one and only savior who rescued me from despair and destruction.  I pray that I always see your love in every aspect of my life and that it glows so that it reminds others of their first love with you.

God’s love never wears out. – Rick Warren

Photo by Lili Graphie.





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