Tug of War

Please Note: This is for informational purposes only.  It should not be taken as medical advice or used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  You should always consult with your own physician before implementing this information.

I remember when I was in grade school, we would clean out our desks on the last day of school, then we spent the rest of the day doing field activities outside.  One of these games included the tug of war.

Once everyone was outside, the teacher would choose two team captains.  Usually, they were popular athletic boys who would then choose their friends and the toughest to be on their team.  I was never chosen first but I would like to say I held my own because I was always picked before the small and weak students. 

Next was the lineup which entailed the strongest first working its way down the rope to the end with the weakest link.  As the captain barked out orders the other team prepared for the war.

In our lineup I was in the middle.  The prospects of our team winning was looking really good.  I grasped the large rope with both hands, spread my legs and anchored my feet in the grass.  Feeling confident of the strength in front of me I took a peek at the end of the line.  Standing with one hand held up cradling the rope was Pam, a petite girl who had little care about the outcome of this competition.  Pam looked to be in another world as I watched her twist her body side to side watching her skirt flair out.

“Pam!”  I yelled, “get ready to pull!”

Pam came back to reality for a moment and graced me with a quick tongue protrusion and then she went back into her Lala land.

Oh brother, I thought to myself.

“On your mark!”  The teacher held her hand up.  Everyone quieted.

“Get set!”  I felt the rope stiffen as I tightened my grip.  I quickly looked back to see if Pam was ready.  Nope, she was still in another dimension.

“Go!” 

Instantly I felt the rope pull forward as the members adjusted their stance.  Then the line began to move in the opposite direction as we leaned our bodies backwards the team began to gain control of the war.  Dang!  We were winning!

But before I could envision the winning cheer, we stopped moving.  What happened, I thought.  Then all of the sudden the rope jerked forward and I landed on top of a kid while being drugged.  I hung on for dear life thinking I could stop the movement of the rope but it was a futile effort.  Then it was all done and the other team started cheering, “We won!”

I couldn’t believe it, we were winning, what happened?  After letting go of the rope I turned my head and look at the end of the line.  Pam was now on her back with some teammates on top of her.  It was apparent that Pam did not move backwards with the team.  Instead, she had caused a chain effect of players tripping over her and falling while the other team gained momentum and pulled the rest of our team over the line.

I stood up and walked over to Pam.  “Why didn’t you pull the rope like you were supposed to.”  I hollered. 

After being unearthed from the team mates, Pam sat up with tears in her eyes.  Oh, I was so disgusted.  We could have won this war easily.  Me being the mature kid I decided to give it right back to her.  I stuck my tongue out at Pam and walked away.

This Tug of War game sounds like me.  My brain is pulling in one direction while my body is tugging the rope in the opposite way.  My mind wants to experiment with gravity craving excitement and fun but my physical structure pulls back in protest because the joints are stiff and painful, and the body is tired.  

Not being able to do what I want is frustrating.  I wonder if I would feel better if I stuck my tongue out at this sorry mass of cells of mine.  What happen to Gwen’s rule of harmony and peace? 

For a few years I have complained about achy painful joints.  I don’t like to admit it but a full night of sleep hasn’t happened for a really long time.  And then there is the night sweats, brain fog, dry skin, and high cholesterol.  What is going on?  Have I hit old age and now I have to struggle to just make it through my work day until retirement? 

After having a good discussion with myself, I decided that I have too many adventures waiting for me and I needed to figure out a way to bring my whole body back in sync.

So, I decided that I was going to hang on to that rope and give it my all.  I changed my daily routine to include a walk every morning ending with stretching then cycling on the stationary bike every evening.  I altered my diet to accommodate a low carbohydrate and sugar intake.  The thought of being immobilized scared me and I knew if I could keep my joints moving, keep my weight down, and keep my blood sugars in a normal range then maybe I could finish out my years without being in a recliner.

But still my body revolted making it difficult to accomplish my goal.  In the mornings I felt like an old lady moving at a snail pace because of the discomfort in all of my joints.  Despite hanging onto that darn rope, I kept being pulled in the wrong direction.  I was not having any fun!  I used Tylenol, ibuprofen, heat packs, and hot baths but I just kept getting drugged closer to the line.  I was getting nowhere.

I got tested for a slew of things including Rheumatoid arthritis since it ran in the family.  Thank goodness it was negative.

What almost did me in was the summer of 2025.  I had just begun my skydiving season with hopes of a fun summer.  Then after a couple of weeks I had intense pain in the back of my thighs.  I couldn’t walk right let alone running was impossible. 

After seeing the doctor, I was referred to physical therapy.  I had hamstring tendonitis, bilaterally.  The doctor, physical therapists, and I didn’t have a clue how this happened.  After putting skydiving on the back burner, I spent the rest of the summer trying to figure out how to deal with this sorry mess of a body of mine.

The last straw was I ended up with bursitis of my right elbow.  As I sat in the exam room with my awesome doctor, we started going over my multitude of symptoms.  After doing this she looked up at me and asked, “When did menopause start for you?” 

I blinked a few times, “Well, I’m not sure?”

My doctor turned her gaze back to the computer and typed away on the keyboard.  “It’s here!”  She smiled.  “I documented that you started menopause in 2017.”

Thankful that my doctor was on top of her charting I waited to hear what nugget of information she would be passing on to me.

After a few minutes my physician turned her head towards me, “I think you are wrestling with symptoms of menopause.”  I blinked some more as I started to let the new information swirl around in my brain.  She continued, “Meaning you’re low on estrogen.”  She then sat up looking pleased as pie that she may have finally figured me out.

Later at home I looked over her notes and giggled when I read, “She is intrigued by the possibility of many of her symptoms being related to lack of estrogen.” 

Yeah, I was intrigued!  It was like looking at the end of the rope and seeing the weakest link, my shriveled-up ovaries!  How long have they been ignoring my need for estrogen and thinking they could be in permanent retirement?

I started educating myself on this new concept.  I looked at all kinds of information, websites, books, and articles, all on hormone replacement therapy and menopause.  My head was spinning.  I sat at my desk thinking, have I really found the answer that I have been desperately looking for?

After a few weeks of researching and having more conversations with my doctor, I decided to take the plunge in hormone replacement therapy (HRT).  I’ve only begun this journey, but already I have felt a huge improvement.  I no longer walk like an old lady in the morning because of stiff joints.  My energy level has increased making it possible to get through a work day without brain fog. 

Just having less pain in my joints and the ability to think clearer with more energy is huge for me.  My bursitis in my right elbow and my bilateral hamstring tendinitis is resolved. 

My decision to start on hormone therapy has been a game changer.  I’m winning this stupid tug of war, feeling like I can hold my own and live a life doing crazy adventures.  My brain and body are getting back in synch which thrills me.

There is a lot of information on menopause and hormone replacement therapy (HRT).  I will be writing more about this subject in future posts.  I have included some resources located at the bottom of this post.   These were helpful to me in understanding menopause and HRT. 

If you’re struggling with your body, and my story is echoing yours, then maybe it’s time to rethink your strategy.  Don’t wait, be proactive.  Have a conversation with your physician.

“Rock and menopause do not mix.  It is not good, it sucks and every day I fight it to the death, or, at the very least, not let it take me over.” – Stevie Nicks

Image by solarisimages on iStock

Gwen